Changing the Internal Narrative
It struck me today how I have done a 180 in terms of how I talk to myself. I have struggled and continue to struggle some days with a really loud judgey voice in my head. This voice constantly tells me how terrible I am, how I can’t do anything right, doubting nearly every word that comes out of my mouth.
Today, sitting on the toilet (yes, I get a lot of AHA moments in the bathroom, go figure!), the voice started to creep in and I allowed myself to hear it, but I also made a choice. A choice that at one point in my life seemed impossible and ridiculous- I made a choice to love it. To direct love towards it. And in doing that, I simultaneously directed love towards that part of me that was hurting as a result of the mean things the voice says. I put a hand on my belly (which is where my inner child lives), and said “You are good enough. I love you. I believe in you. You are worthy. You got this”. I kept repeating these things over and over because that is what I needed to hear.
I’m struck by the choice of this. I could have continued to go down the path of doubting, judging, berating (and I often have) but I stopped and made the choice to love and support and validate myself. I’m not saying this is easy. I’m not saying this happens 100% of the time. But with years (YEARS! I’ve been working on my self-development hard core I’d say since 2015), treating myself with respect has gotten a little bit easier. A little more frequent. And a little more genuine.
Rewiring takes time. Digging ourselves out of the ditch that our automatic thoughts have dug for us takes time. We have walked that path so many times, it has turned into a ditch (at least in my mind it has!), but once we are aware of the automatic thought, we can make the choice to choose another path. Diet culture is that ditch, and we have dug it, society has dug it, people around us have dug it- and it continues to be dug, to be reinforced by societal narratives. But if we notice it, and choose another path, that path will become well worn in time and it becomes easier to choose it.
I think that the more people who choose the other path, the path different than the status-quo - whether it comes to diet culture, or racism, or transphobia, or any of the multitude of oppressions that exist - the more that path is worn and welcoming to others. We start to create a culture of anti-oppression (a concept borrowed from Resmaa Menakem), where not only is it not acceptable to berate and hate ourselves, but it isn’t acceptable to berate and hate (and murder) others because of their identity.
So, which path are you going to choose?
If you feel like you might need support in choosing another path and rewiring some of that internal dialogue around diet culture, anti-fat bias, and self-worth, feel free to schedule a free 20 minute Discovery Call. I'd love to support you in that journey!